Reverse Trick or Treat!

Pirate? and I went trick or treating long after most people gave it up. Even in college we were going door-to-door in awesome costumes on Halloween. Eventually we gave it up and figured we would need to have or borrow kids in order to resume begging for candy on Halloween. A couple of years ago we threw a party and decided to go reverse trick or treating.

This was easily one of the most fun Halloween activities if you enjoy making other people's day a little more surreal.

Aside from confusion, the reactions we got varied widely.

Some people were trying to eliminate their candy supply, others were delighted. Most were bemused and sort of pleased despite having no idea what was going on. It made for a good night.

Cosmic metabolic karma

I used to be one of those people that could eat anything and never gain a pound.

It pissed people off.

Then one day I developed appendicitis.

After they removed all my abdominal organs and then put them back again, things never quite worked right. I have something called gastroparesis, which basically means my digestive system no longer gives a fuck. It digests what it wants, when it wants. I now have the metabolism of a python.

I found this out about a month after I got out of the hospital. I was having really horrendous reflux, so I went to a specialist for an endoscopy, which involved shoving a camera down my throat while I was not properly sedated.

I had a bezoar, which in nonmedical terms is a magical stone found in the third stomach of a Syrian goat.

Instead I'm not supposed to eat fresh fruit or vegetables. Also, I drink soda sometimes to make up the calories I miss from not eating. It's the stupidest doctor-approved diet ever, and makes me look like I have the pallet of a 6 year old when I'm trying to look like a responsible adult.