Tears.

I don't watch television, but I'm not missing much. Something that I do enjoy is YouTube clips of Jimmy Kimmel challenging parents to prank their children. My favorite is the annual compilation of kids crying because their parents claimed to have eaten all of their Halloween candy.

I sweat to god these videos are better than candy. I love them. This makes me a terrible person.

Disneyland

We go to Disneyland a lot. We're fairly local, and friends and family from out of state inevitably want to go so we end up buying season passes. Visiting Disneyland several times a year gives you a very different perspective on the place. You start looking for weird little details, seeking out Hidden Mickeys, and making up bizarre games. My favorite is Stroller Safari, wherein you watch for unusual/expensive/international strollers. (My stroller knowledge is based almost entirely off of writing for work and also a mild obsession with this study.)

I often see small children looking concerned about getting on rides. My mother has always been good at allaying their fears.

I, on the other hand, can just barely manage to contain my desire to terrify them.

Vampires

At daycare one day, I noticed one of my first graders looking distraught.

Sometimes it's hard not to laugh.

Reverse Trick or Treat!

Pirate? and I went trick or treating long after most people gave it up. Even in college we were going door-to-door in awesome costumes on Halloween. Eventually we gave it up and figured we would need to have or borrow kids in order to resume begging for candy on Halloween. A couple of years ago we threw a party and decided to go reverse trick or treating.

This was easily one of the most fun Halloween activities if you enjoy making other people's day a little more surreal.

Aside from confusion, the reactions we got varied widely.

Some people were trying to eliminate their candy supply, others were delighted. Most were bemused and sort of pleased despite having no idea what was going on. It made for a good night.

Flying dolphin.

I often tell the kids I work with that I have so many animals because my mother used to tell me that I could have as many pets as I wanted when I grew up. This is easily the best response I have gotten.

This is why five-year-olds are awesome.

You'll understand when you have chihuahuas.

I was at a street fair when I saw a lady with two chihuahuas that were barking at everything.

And I thought "Hey, I understand. I have a chihuahua, I've been there."

 It reminded me of the kind of thing my sister and other parents say about their kids.

People who want babies.

It's pretty normal to be female and want to have a baby. It's expected, and it's even kind of cute.

 

 But some women seem to yearn for a baby even when they are literally being driven insane by the kids they already have.

To me, this seems like people who want kittens. It's cute when you don't have any cats.

It's ridiculous when you are up to your elbows in cats already.

I don't want to have a baby. I want to have a person. I want to create a childhood for someone and help them grow up into a wonderful person. Wanting a baby when you are overwhelmed with your existing kids seems like wanting a kitten or a puppy when you don't enjoy the cats and dogs you already have. Isn't the baby age fleeting, while childhood lasts for several years at least? Do these people just want to relive the infant stage over and over again? Do they somehow not realize that each new baby will become part of the tribe of pygmies that are slowly draining them of life?

It wouldn't be so weird if the people that seem to ache for another baby weren't the same people that complain almost constantly about their kids.