The Buddy System

The more socially ept and extroverted people of the world often fail to realize just how difficult it is for the socially awkward to handle large groups of novel people in a social setting. For me, a large amount of this difficulty stems from figuring out what on earth to do with myself at these gatherings. If everyone is playing a game or eating a meal it can be a little bit easier, but for me the worst case scenario is a party that involves a bunch of people standing around talking, even if I already know many of them.

If I'm lucky I'll be able to find friends or new people to talk to for long periods of time, thus minimizing those 'oh shit!' moments. I almost invariably end up gluing myself to some unsuspecting friend who seems to be able to enjoy those sorts of interactions. Hopefully this person does not notice or mind that I am relentlessly following them around all night.

However, unless that friend is as awkward as I am, it can be difficult to stay stuck. This is why I prefer to have an Awkward Buddy at parties. This is a friend who wishes to stay stuck to me just as much as I wish to stay stuck to them. An Awkward Buddy is a good solution for office parties and other situations where I feel obligated to attend but know I won't be capable of maintaining fluid socialization. Even if the people I was talking to have wandered off, Awkward Buddy will save me from standing there alone while I try to figure out how to start the next social interaction. If we cannot manage to join another conversation, we can still talk to each other and at least maintain a thin veneer of social normalcy. We can also feed off each others' anecdotes and knowledge of different subjects to keep the conversation from petering out for a while.

The Awkward Buddy: Great for weddings, baby showers, office parties, and even just large gatherings thrown by friends.

Social Skills

My sister and I were walking down a busy sidewalk when I suddenly became aware that there were three boys walking right behind us, probably around 13 years old.

If you were ever bullied in school you will be very familir with this situation. It's basically a win-win for the bully, there's no good way to handle it while keeping your cool. You can keep walking and ignore them while they silently read your body language and know that they got to you. You can stop suddenly so they run into you, and they still know they managed to piss you off. You can spin around and whack them, or give them a piece of your mind, but no matter what you do the bully still wins.

The nice thing about growing up awkward is that you become intensely aware of all the details that make up good social skills. When you have to consciously learn the rules of social engagement, like how much eye contact to make and how close to stand to people, you learn a lot more than those who just acquire good social skills naturally. Also, when you really don't give a fuck, you can choose to disregard of those rules.

Invading someone's personal space from behind can make you feel powerful and intimidating. Face-to-face with a stranger, that same distance can be very uncomfortable. Prolonged eye contact with a stranger is even more unsettling. A stranger walking backwards for the next two blocks while making direct eye contact and grinning can be very uncomfortable. Yes, junior high boys, you may be annoying but I am crazy.