Monday was weird because Z volunteered to marshal* for the big fiesta parade on Saturday. This means he got invited to a big fancy party and I had to go and pretend to be a regular person. This is difficult for me, it takes a lot of effort to talk to regular people about regular things and not offend anyone or make them think I belong in jail. I have compiled the following list of topics I need to avoid when talking to regular people:
- Dead baby jokes.
- Number of pets I have or what I feed them.
- Things I do on vacation.
- Deep personal desires to commit crimes.
- Stupid baby-naming conventions.
- Pitbulls.
- Operant conditioning.
- My dog.
- My wedding.
- My grandmother.
- Live babies.
- Bizarre health problems.
- Television.
- Baby strollers.
- ADD.
- Weird stuff I read in the news recently.
- Anything I learned on the Awful Forums.
- Details about hair dye.
- My ever-increasing dependency on my phone.
- My musical preferences.
- Any casual references to Hitler.
- Zombies.
- My internet friends.
- Rube Goldberg.
Before meeting Z at the party, I had to shower and get dressed. This would have taken a lot less time if I had remembered to put the shower back together. Our showerhead has become a ridiculously complicated beast with a water filter and also a dog-washing attachment in between the wall and the part where the water is supposed to come out. I say 'supposed to' because I couldn't actually get it to stop leaking everywhere. After applying an untold amount of plumbers putty, I gave up and just bathed with water spraying all over the bathroom.
Then I had to find something to wear. Sometime in the last two years I accidentally got rid of all my nice clothes. We were really short on closet space so I decided to get rid of the stuff I hardly ever wear. Apparently I don't dress up very often, because I pretty much eliminated anything that wasn't a tshirt or a lacy tanktop.
I can't actually remember how I originally planned on ending this blog, so here's a picture of a brontosaurus.
*Spelling tip: marshal has one L, the name Marshall has two. These two things are not the same.
