Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Regular People Party

Monday was weird because Z volunteered to marshal* for the big fiesta parade on Saturday. This means he got invited to a big fancy party and I had to go and pretend to be a regular person. This is difficult for me, it takes a lot of effort to talk to regular people about regular things and not offend anyone or make them think I belong in jail. I have compiled the following list of topics I need to avoid when talking to regular people:
  1. Dead baby jokes.
  2. Number of pets I have or what I feed them.
  3. Things I do on vacation.
  4. Deep personal desires to commit crimes.
  5. Stupid baby-naming conventions.
  6. Pitbulls.
  7. Operant conditioning.
  8. My dog.
  9. My wedding.
  10. My grandmother.
  11. Live babies.
  12. Bizarre health problems.
  13. Television.
  14. Baby strollers.
  15. ADD.
  16. Weird stuff I read in the news recently.
  17. Anything I learned on the Awful Forums.
  18. Details about hair dye.
  19. My ever-increasing dependency on my phone.
  20. My musical preferences.
  21. Any casual references to Hitler.
  22. Zombies.
  23. My internet friends.
  24. Rube Goldberg.

Before meeting Z at the party, I had to shower and get dressed. This would have taken a lot less time if I had remembered to put the shower back together. Our showerhead has become a ridiculously complicated beast with a water filter and also a dog-washing attachment in between the wall and the part where the water is supposed to come out. I say 'supposed to' because I couldn't actually get it to stop leaking everywhere. After applying an untold amount of plumbers putty, I gave up and just bathed with water spraying all over the bathroom.

Then I had to find something to wear. Sometime in the last two years I accidentally got rid of all my nice clothes. We were really short on closet space so I decided to get rid of the stuff I hardly ever wear. Apparently I don't dress up very often, because I pretty much eliminated anything that wasn't a tshirt or a lacy tanktop.

I can't actually remember how I originally planned on ending this blog, so here's a picture of a brontosaurus.

*Spelling tip: marshal has one L, the name Marshall has two. These two things are not the same.


  1. I want you to know that i *live* for these updates. But I can't figure out who Z is