Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Dress to impress

I like to draw myself as a relatively skinny person, but the truth is that I have enormous thighs. Disproportionately large thighs. I-have-to-alter-my-own-clothes-to-make-them-fit thighs. It's genetic. It's also a huge pain in the ass to have size 12 thighs on a size 4 body.

I'm told that thigh fat is also called "starvation fat" and that I will have to look like a famine victim before my body will give up the tiniest bit of that sweet, sweet thigh flab. I'm sure everyone has some part of their body that they hate, fortunately there are ways to de-emphasize those bits. There are also ways to emphasize them that make me look like a circus freak.

Long skirts are a great solution for most women who have trouble finding pants. I have lots of skirts, but I tend to shred anything that doesn't allow a full range of motion and isn't made of denim or possibly Kevlar, so I wear jeans most of the time. Nobody really makes an adequate jumbo-thigh style of  pants to I just buy a size 12 and alter them and/or wear a belt. Picking out the right jeans is basically the key to looking like a normal person vs. looking like a hippo.

The trick is to draw attention to some other part of my body. There are a number of ways to do this. I've found that anything that makes a line across my thighs is bad news. This includes shirt hem lines and shorts. Meanwhile, anything below my knees tends to make my thighs look smaller. I only ever wear wide-leg or flared jeans, or capri pants that do something exciting at the bottom.

I don't necessarily like being a "size 12", but it's certainly more flattering than cramming my thighs into a size 4.


  1. I like knee length skirts a lot for thigh obscuration, sometimes with a petticoat to fluff up the bottom some and crazy socks to draw attention to the lower legs. That might be too dog-prone for your tastes, though.

  2. Those are definitely my favorite skirts whenever I wear skirts.