Little Dogs.

We go to the designated off-leash dog beach regularly so that Awesomedog can chase the tennis ball to his heart's content. This happens pretty much every time we go.

Does it look like that big dog just wandered over to 'say hi' and Tinydog snapped at it totally unprovoked? Somebody obviously doesn't read dog body language very well. Let me show you what you missed.

A dog with good manners would have picked up on Tinydog's desire to be left alone already.

At this point the other dog is either deliberately ignoring Tinydog's attempts to communicate, or just has no idea how to read a dog that small.

The oncoming dog is moving in a straight line with ears and tail standing up, this is not a friendly hello, it's an "I'm gonna check you out and there's nothing you can do about it."

So neither Tinydog, myself, or the other dog are surprised when this happens:

My chihuahua is not Cujo. He is not vicious, and he is not attacking unprovoked. He actually has pretty good manners, and he only snaps at other dogs when they ignore every single lesser attempt to communicate that he wants some space.

Specialists.

Recently I have been trying to find an underlying cause for my many bizarre medical issues. I started with my internist.

The specialists were a huge waste of time. 

But they basically all said the same thing.

The lesson I have learned is that a specialist is someone who says "All of your symptoms that fall within the realm of my specialty are completely common and mundane and I see those every day, but your other symptoms are fascinating. Let me refer you to someone who will not give a fuck."

Hawk.

The other day, while I was working in my office, a Harris hawk tried to fly through the window to eat my birds.

The resulting birdsplosion scattered cockatiels across the room. Everyone took off in panicked flight, except Tiny Green Bird.

She's not easily intimidated.

Meow!

Tortie Hellion meows when you touch her.

Every. Single. Time.

Tortie Hellion is almost five years old. The novelty hasn't worn off yet.

Gaslighting.

My lineolated parakeet talks.

But only when I can hear him.

Sometimes he talks for other people now, but for a while there he did a good job of convincing people that I was crazy.

OCD

Awesomedog loves tennis balls because they make a squoosh sound when he bites them very hard. It's a perfect combination of two of his favorite activities: biting stuff and making noise.

Kong makes squeaky tennis balls. Once in a while I let him have one as a special treat. A squeaky tennis ball only survives about 15 minutes of nonstop compulsive squeaking before it gives out.

Awesomedog has some obsessive-compulsive tendencies, this is why he is not allowed to play with laser pointers or flashlights. One of the things that sets off his OCD is things that make noise. Tennis balls and squeaky toys are definitely high on the list, but sometimes he'll settle for anything that makes noise. Loose cabinet doors are a favorite.

The Anti-Pamphlet Society

At my university there was an area in front of the bookstore that was almost always populated by multiple people handing out pamphlets/leaflets/handbills/flyers of one sort or another.

On any given day you could join a dozen clubs, donate to multiple worthy causes, attend a handful of free concerts, and possibly have your vote swayed. Some friends and I printed up dozens of pamphlets detailing the evils of handing out pamphlets, and then made everyone's day a little more surreal by standing outside the bookstore and handing them out.

Most people would walk the gauntlet of pamphleteers and collect their leaflets, then read them as they walked away. This meant that people had gotten a good distance away before the hypocrisy of our message finally dawned on them. Sometimes they came back.

Sometimes it was hard to stay in character.