My Cats are Stupid: Exhibit E

Tortie Hellion is in perfect health. She can see and hear normally as far as any vet has been able to determine. The reason I tell you this is so that you can understand exactly how ridiculous it is when Tortie Hellion gets lost.

Our cats live indoors full time because there are cars and coyotes and our cats are way too stupid to avoid these and the many other hazards outside the house. Our house is fairly small, two bedrooms and maybe 900 square feet at most. We've lived here almost two years now, and Tortie Hellion still gets lost.

It's a lot less heartbreaking when you realize that Tortie Hellion often gets lost while she is in the same room as us. She's just dumb as toast.

Claws.

I don't trim Evilcat's claws because I like my skin, but I do keep the Hellions from getting too pointy. Tabby Hellion likes having his claws clipped. Tortie Hellion hates it, fortunately she is very slow. I keep the claw clippers in between the couch cushions so I can catch her by surprise when she climbs in my lap.

Then I can start clipping while she tries to process the situation.

I can usually get 3 or 4 feet done before she finally figures out what is happening and what she should do about it.

Christmas Tree

I love Christmas trees, and so do the Hellions, but for different reasons. The tree is basically a cat playground, and since we acquired the Hellions four years ago we haven't put anything breakable on the Christmas Tree. We could probably take some extraordinary measures to keep them out of it, but they have so much fun I actually feel a bit guilty depriving them of their seasonal escapades.

I am hideously allergic to real trees (pine, fir, oak, any trees, all trees) and so we always get fake ones. I like to get free fake trees on Craigslist of Freecycle and then give them away after the holidays so I don't have to store them all year. This past December I decided to get a 3' tall tree, both to save space and to maybe discourage the Hellions from enjoying it quite so much. It's too short to climb, so they can't climb it, right?

While they can't technically climb it, they can wrestle it into submission, which they did at every opportunity. The poor tree never spent more than five minutes upright for the entirety of its career here. The Hellions still had fun, though.

The Cat Room.

The tiny dining room off our kitchen is the Cat Room. It didn't start out that this, and it's really all a matter of coincidence. We never intended to have a designated cat room, it just turned out that way.

We never really eat at the dining table, the room itself is super-tiny, and trying to fit more than a couple of people in there is a little silly. We do, however, feed the cats on the table, and although it is tiny, the dining room has two extremely sunny windows that are usually open. Evilcat's litterbox issues and pawprints on the table led to a few more additions.

The stools we keep under the table turned the tablecloth into a perfect place to hide. When the dogs decided to start raiding the litterbox, we put a tall babygate across the door and ended up with this:

It's a perfect dog-free cat habitat, complete with food, water, litterbox, places to hide, and sunbeams. Someday I'm going to add some shelves so they can climb/fall a bit. Yes, the dining room also has a doorway with a rounded top. It is way too cute. (When I'm outside I like to poke the cats through the window screen.)

Meow.

This happens every day.