Ball.

Awesomedog does not exactly play "fetch". Sure, he loves to play ball like any herding dog, but we have to play it his way. Awesomedog is absolutely unimpressed by a ball on the ground. Once it has been thrown, his one mission in life is to catch that ball and bite it. He doesn't actually gnaw the ball, he isn't a recreational chewer and has never really been interested in destroying non-edible toys like Nylabones and Kongs. Awesomedog just loves to bite things, and after catching a tennis ball he likes to stand around biting it really hard for a bit.

And then he spits the ball out and ignores it until I catch up and pick the ball up again.

Permanent pink hair dye.

I have pink hair. I only dye it about once a month, and the color lasts pretty darned good in between dyings. When I first determined that I wanted pink hair, I set out on a quest to find some permanent pink hair dye. While such a product does not truly exist, there are definitely ways to get the effect of permanent pink hair dye for permanently pink hair. Done properly, the whole process is a lot kinder to your hair than actual permanent hair dye.

1. "Permanent" is relative.

If you've ever tried to maintain a different hair color before, you know you have to keep dying your hair regularly. Hair grows, colors fade, and even permanent dyes need to be redone every month or so. There is no way to change your hair color without maintaining it regularly.

2. All dyes are not equal.

All dyes are not created equal, and not all colors of a certain brand are equally effective. Pirate? uses violet Pravana dye and it lasts months and months in her hair. I tried their "wild orchid" color and it washed out in a week. I use "fuschia shock" by Manic Panic and it lasts for weeks, but their "cotton candy pink" shade washes out much faster. I have found that the Manic Panic colors that look black or nearly black in their jars (in real life, not on the website) are the ones that have the most pigment and last the longest. It helps to try several different products to see what works best on your hair.

3. Say no to burny chemicals.

Permanent hair dye has a dark side, it's full of chemicals that burn your scalp. Leaving this type of dye on for too long can totally destroy your hair. Likewise, bleach or lightening agents can also dry out your hair and leave it horribly frizzy and gross. Unless your hair is really dark, you can completely forgo "lightening" it and just put your colors on over it. Pick a nice dark shade of your favorite color, you'll most likely end up with a nice vibrant tint over your natural hair color. Semi-permanent dyes like Manic Panic and Pravana's Vivids are non-toxic vegetable dyes that won't fry your hair and can be left on long enough to color almost any hair (or pet).

4. Longer is better.

The cool thing about using vegetable dyes is that they don't fry your hair, so you can just go ahead and leave them on indefinitely. I leave mine on for at least four hours, and often more than eight hours. The dye has to stay wet in order to keep working, so it helps to wrap your head in plastic wrap. Beauty supply shops also sell some nifty cotton ropes that you can stick around your hairline to help keep the dye off your skin.

5. Heat helps.

Heat is recommended by a lot of dye manufacturers to help set the color in your hair or make it brighter. I usually blow dry my hair for 10-15 minutes or until I get bored. Rinse well in cool water, and your color should last for several weeks.

The Cat Room.

The tiny dining room off our kitchen is the Cat Room. It didn't start out that this, and it's really all a matter of coincidence. We never intended to have a designated cat room, it just turned out that way.

We never really eat at the dining table, the room itself is super-tiny, and trying to fit more than a couple of people in there is a little silly. We do, however, feed the cats on the table, and although it is tiny, the dining room has two extremely sunny windows that are usually open. Evilcat's litterbox issues and pawprints on the table led to a few more additions.

The stools we keep under the table turned the tablecloth into a perfect place to hide. When the dogs decided to start raiding the litterbox, we put a tall babygate across the door and ended up with this:

It's a perfect dog-free cat habitat, complete with food, water, litterbox, places to hide, and sunbeams. Someday I'm going to add some shelves so they can climb/fall a bit. Yes, the dining room also has a doorway with a rounded top. It is way too cute. (When I'm outside I like to poke the cats through the window screen.)

Flying dolphin.

I often tell the kids I work with that I have so many animals because my mother used to tell me that I could have as many pets as I wanted when I grew up. This is easily the best response I have gotten.

This is why five-year-olds are awesome.

Compelling reasons not to acquire a bird.

We currently own 15 birds. Most of them were given to us by people who could no longer keep them for one reason or another. Parrots are all horrible demonspawn hellbeasts, but even finches have their serious downsides. Here are some good reasons to not own a bird.

1. They live forever.

Most people know that big parrots are a 50+ year commitment, but even cockatiels can make it well into their 20's. Budgies (parakeets) are a 10+ year commitment, and a finch can be around for 8 or 9 years. Changing families can be very hard on social birds, so people considering a parakeet, lovebird, cockatiel, conure, or parrotlet should seriously consider their plans for the next couple of decades.

2. Birds are evil.

Parrots are jealous little beasts and have a tendency to fall madly in love with one person and hate all potential rivals for affection/attention. Even cute, cuddly baby parrots will eventually hit puberty and develop a passionate hatred for your spouse, your children, your parents, your other pets, your friends, or anyone else who visits your home. Not every bird does turn into a feathered machine of pain and anger, but any parrot can suddenly decide to terrorize the people you love. Alternately, your bird may fall madly in love with your spouse/child/other family member and suddenly decide they hate you.

3. Birds are messy.

Smaller birds tend to be the worst mess-makers, but even big birds love to fling food and stuff everywhere. It's a major form of bird entertainment. Even through careful engineering I've only ever managed to direct the mess rather than contain it. Daily vacuuming is pretty much unavoidable, if birdseed falls in damp places it tends to put down roots and sprout, and you will still be finding petrified crud years after you cease to own birds.

4. Birds will tear up your stuff.

In the wild parrots spend pretty much all day shredding things in search of food and nesting materials. In captivity this desire for massive destruction cannot go unquenched. Even provided with an infinite quantity of shreddable-toys intended for shredding, parrots will occasionally decide to sample your library, data cables, or something else that you love. This is usually accompanied by innocent and adorable behavior intended to throw you off your guard.

Do not be fooled. Birds are monsters. Birds are descended from carnivorous dinosaurs, and they have not forgotten this. Birds will destroy your home, your marriage, your family, and all of your possessions. Do not let them into your house. Say no to birds.

Tea time.

I don't normally drink coffee, but I do like to drink tea.

So do various other members of the family.

My Cats are Stupid: Exhibit D

The Hellions are not allowed outside for a variety of reasons. We live in a very urban area with a lot of traffic, I don't want them getting into fights or picking up parasites or diseases, and I want to protect the local wildlife; however the primary reason is that the Hellions are far too stupid to survive out there for more than five minutes. They have had brief encounters with the great outdoors, I take them outside on leashes, and once in a while they escape. Right after we moved to our current place they pried open a window. I came home and found them in the driveway.

It's worth noting that our front yard and therefore our front door are enclosed inside a chainlink fence. Instead of a backyard there is another house with another family, and the driveway runs alongside our house and back to the garage that we share. The cats had emerged from a window facing the driveway and once they descended to the ground they could not get back in. Tortie Hellion was sprawled on the driveway so I just crammed her back in through the window. Tabby Hellion was frantically running in circles, and when I went to grab him he fled in terror towards the only recognizable route back into the house: the front door.

Of course, there was a chainlink fence between him and the door, and neither of the Hellions is particularly good at solving problems. After running facefirst into the fence he backed up and tried again, then ran a few feet down the fence and did the same thing. I watched him bash his way all the way around the fence and then followed him while he bolted around the house. Once he was within sight of the front door he again ran facefirst into the fence and repeated the entire performance. While he was dashing around the house for a third try I helpfully opened the gate, allowing him to reach the front door and run indoors to safety.

Of course, the first thing he did was try to jump out the window again.