"Can I Pet Your Dog?"

I was walking Awesomedog, Tinydog, and Fosteruahuah on the hiking trails one day when we were beset by a pack of preschoolers.

I could see them thundering down the trail, well ahead of their parents. Just behind the parents was a guy walking with a large dog sans leash. He kept calling it as rocketed off the trail and back, it didn't appear to hear him. The herd of toddlers spotted my dogs and came stampeding toward us.

It's nice that people teach their small children to ask before rushing someone else's dog, but it would be even nicer if they elaborated on "ask first". These tiny terrors had absolutely no idea what to do when the answer was something other than "yes".

This exchange was repeated for several minutes while the parents finally caught up and hauled their grabby offspring away. The owner of the other dog leashed it while I was fending off the preschoolers, thus saving me from having to break up a dog fight in the middle of a playgroup.

Fat Dogs.

Fat dogs make me sad. Some people seem to love their dogs with food, ignoring the incredible amount of stress it puts on the poor animal's body. Others don't even understand what a healthy weight even looks like, because so many dogs are so fat. A lot of people actually think body condition is subjective, despite the existance of objective veterinary body condition scoring charts. "I don't think he's fat." Would they be willing to take a healthy dog and strap a few extra pounds on them?

Imagine forcing a dog to wear a heavy backpack all the time...

Instead of loving our dogs with treats, we could be loving them by taking off those extra pounds they've been carrying around. Isn't mobility and reduced pain worth more than an extra cookie, or a full dinner bowl?

"I don't need a leash, my dog is trained"

Whenever I hear "I don't need a leash, my dog is trained"...

Not using a leash is a sign that someone needs to check their ego and realize that it isn't all about them. Using a leash means I have a wide enough scope to recognize that the world is beyond my control, and that unanticipated events could happen at any moment.

I wear a seatbelt in the car because it's the law. I wear a seatbelt because I don't just drive on lonely country roads, and I realize there are other cars out there. Because I understand that, no matter how good a driver I may be, accidents can happen. Because I know that road conditions can abruptly change and I need to be prepared if something unexpected happens. Because I know that my elite driving skills can't always prevent shit from happening, and I want to be as safe as I can be if/when it does. Because I know that my wearing a seatbelt helps to protect other people around me, and in a collision I don't want my mangled body to become a projectile and harm those in the car with me.

I use a leash for almost the exact same reasons. It is the law. Unless I'm restricting myself to rural areas, there are other people and dogs and animals out there. Even if my dog is trained and/or friendly, not everyone else is willing or prepared to deal with him. I cannot anticipate what I am going to encounter when I leave my house, there could be distractions I never even dreamed of. There could be a pack of shrieking children, there could be a deranged raccoon, there could be a fucking earthquake. No matter what happens, I will still be attached to my dog.

Using a leash everywhere except designated off-leash areas tells the world: "I am a responsible dog owner, I respect the rules and the rights of other people to feel safe around my dog, because let's face it, a huge percentage of the dog is untrained with poor manners."

Not using a leash in areas where they are required tells the world: "My ego takes precedence over the safety of my dog, the law, and the rights of others. I don't care that my actions reflect poorly on other dog owners, or that the mere sight of my unleashed dog can lead to dogs being banned entirely from certain public places. I am a special snowflake."

Blue Eyes.

I recently fostered a rescue dog that was...um...unique. He was mostly or all blue Australian cattledog, with blue eyes. This gave him a permanent case of crazy eyes.

Fortunately he was also a wonderfully well-behaved dog, to the point of being boring sometimes. We got tons of applications for him and he went to his new home within a couple of weeks. This freed me from my obligation to provide the rescue with "better" pictures of him...

Dog Ownership

I can't ever remember not wanting a dog. My entire childhood was spent reading about dogs, looking at pictures of dogs, pretending to train my stuffed dogs, and chasing down passers-by begging to pet their dogs.

I walked all the dogs in my neighborhood. I attempted to catch every loose dog I saw. I desperately wanted a dog of my own, and I was always hoping that maybe wouldn't be able to find the owners and I would get to keep one of those strays, just like in my dog books. Of course, we always managed to find their owners, and my parents really didn't want to deal with a dog so they always had an excuse why I couldn't have one. Our yard wasn't secure enough, dogs were too expensive. They said wouldn't want to feed it or walk it or clean up its poop. Every breed was either too big, too small and yappy, too noisy, or potentially aggressive.

I don't think they ever understood how much it hurt for me to not have a dog. Real, actual pain. It was a constant, aching void. Nearly every day I would find a place and time to quietly cry that I didn't have a dog. I had an imaginary dog that followed me everywhere, something I could pretend was taking up that empty spot behind me where my dog should be. I could never make anyone understand how utterly incomplete I felt, without something that I had never had.

Dogs have been following human beings around for 30,000 years, that's longer than we've had agriculture or permanent settlements. It's longer than we've had writing, and almost as long as we've had language. Maybe it's long enough for people to have evolved adaptations around dogs. Maybe dogs became ubiquitous in human culture because some of us actually need dogs. I really don't have any evidence to back up this vague idea, it's also distinctly possible that I have some sort of mental disease involving dogs. At any rate, when I was 12 one of the dogs I walked regularly was offered to me because her family was moving, and my parents finally, finally let me have a dog.

It has been nearly two decades now, and the novelty still hasn't worn off. It might have actually gotten stronger. I am heavily involved in dog rescue, have competed in dog sports, and advocate for animal welfare and humane legislation. Training my dogs is one of my primary hobbies. I currently work at a dog daycare, and started a dog blog about Awesomedog, Tinydog, and my various foster dogs. Having dogs has been every bit as awesome as I always imagined, if not better.

White dog.

I like to walk my dogs in a local nature preserve. Despite the clearly posted leash laws at every entrance, people still like to walk their dogs off-leash here. This is obnoxious at beast, and dangerous at worst. Most of these people have no control over their dogs, who love to harass/annoy/fight leashed dogs. I carry various methods of warding off larger and potentially dangerous dogs, and I normally ask people to call their dogs or inform them that I am not friendly.

While I do everything possible to prevent larger dogs from making contact with mine, I sometimes let the little ones take their chances.

Sometimes it's really muddy out there.

I try to warn them, but even "My dog will eat your dog!" doesn't seem to get the message across. I sort of hope that arriving with a white dog and leaving with a brown one will help them see one of the many benefits of leashes, but that's probably too much to ask.

Some People are Afraid of Dogs.

It's true, and there are a lot of different reasons for it. Some people have an irrational phobia, they're afraid of dogs like tons of people are afraid of spiders. You know, you're way bigger than it, you're a safe distance from it, but it still gives you the creeps or maybe makes you want to flee screaming. Dogs make some people feel that way, and there's no good reason for it, but they don't want dogs touching them the same way you don't want a tarantula or an orb weaver touching you.

You can understand how this person feels by picturing the dog as a giant spider. This is one reason why it is polite to not let your dog approach strangers uninvited.

Some people have movement disorders like cerebral palsy and Huntington's disease. The way these people move often creeps dogs out, even really friendly dogs that never act aggressive. Many people with movement disorders are afraid of dogs because they have been by normally nice dogs.

Some dogs are fine with everybody, and some have been specifically and deliberately trained that people that move in unusual ways aren't scary, but most dogs don't have a whole lot of experience in this area and find it kind of horrifying. The problem is that scared dogs do scary things like bite, lunge, and bark. Sometimes you can tell that someone has a movement disorder because they are equipped with a cane, crutches, a walker, or a wheelchair. Sometimes you can't tell until they take a step and your dog suddenly freaks out because it's seeing this:

It's polite to keep your dog on a leash because just seeing an unleashed dog can ruin this person's whole day without you ever knowing it.

For someone with a movement disorder, a leash means the difference between a safe dog and a dangerous dog.

Likewise, plenty of people are afraid of dogs simply because they've been attacked before.

There's a good chance the dog that bit them was supposedly friendly, and that dog's owner probably said it had never done anything like that before.

People who are afraid of dogs are everywhere. We dog owners can avoid scaring them by keeping our dogs on leashes and not letting them get into anyone's personal space in public. It's a good idea, because people who are afraid of dogs might be landlords, politicians, city council members, and other people who can actively make life easier or more difficult for dog owners. Think of it like scooping poop: when a few people don't do it, it makes all of us look bad and it makes non-dog owners want to make rules and ordinances banning dogs from places. Likewise, seeing a dog owner break a leash law can make a person who is afraid of dogs feel that way. Let's stick together and make dog owners as a group look good by keeping all of them on leashes, even small, friendly, harmless, elderly, and young ones. I can promise that the people who are afraid of dogs don't visit off-leash areas.

Tea time.

I don't normally drink coffee, but I do like to drink tea.

So do various other members of the family.

Dog Breed Fangirl.

Every time I see an unusual breed of dog I feel compelled to squeal about it like a teenager at a boy band concert.

I can't help it, I've been reading about dog breeds since I was a small child. Seeing a rare breed in person is like meeting a celebrity.

Except that the dogs don't really know why I'm so delighted to see them, and the owners usually appreciate it when somebody actually knows what kind of dog they have.

Four Reasons I Hate You and Your "Friendly" Dog

I walk my dogs every day. Our tiny shantytown-like neighborhood doesn't have sidewalks, so we drive somewhere else to walk. Both Awesomedog and Tinydog have very good dog social skills when off-leash, so frequently we go to the designated off-leash dog beach. We also have some amazing places to hike around here, including on place that is very close, has a protected monarch butterfly grove in the winter, and is extremely convenient. Really, the only downside to hiking there is all the idiots who let their dogs run loose while they hike. There's a big sign right at the trailhead declaring that, by law, all dogs need to be on leashes. Unfortunately there are also a whole lot of idiots. Most of these people like to claim their dogs are 'friendly' as they come barreling down the trail at us. After far too many bad experiences with 'friendly' off-leash dogs, my own dogs are now decidedly unfriendly when they are leashed. I don't blame them, I too hate these 'friendly' dogs for a variety of reasons...

1. Your dog isn't actually friendly.

If your dog is stiffly approaching mine in a straight line with all the hair on her back standing up and her head and tail held as high as possible, she isn't coming over for a friendly greeting and I can tell that even before she starts growling. If she were truly being friendly she would be all curvy and waggly with her head and tail held level or low, and she would be walking towards my dogs in a big arc. If your dog takes the stiff-and-direct approach she's not coming over to say hello, she's trying to show my dogs how big and scary she is. On their leashes my dogs feel cornered and intimidated, and if your dog doesn't give them their space they will attempt to defend themselves and we will have a dog fight.

2. Your dog is socially retarded.

If your dog was truly friendly, he would understand how to take 'no' for an answer when attempting to meet a new dog. My dogs are not subtle about their desire to be left alone, and a well-mannered friendly dog will figure that out and pass them on the trail without getting too close. Your dog's continued approach is a lot like being cornered by a stranger holding their arms out and saying "Hi! Give me a big hug!" If you're polite you might indulge them, but if you've had some bad experiences with grabby strangers you might just hit them if you can't run away. The brings me to my next point:

3. My dog has a bad back.

Awesomedog has had spinal disc problems since he was under a year old, and he's seven now. He does not want to wrestle around with your large dog. Unfortunately, your dog may not figure that out until he has invited Awesomedog to play by way of bodyslamming. "But he only wants to play!" you protest as I kick your dog in the head and shout incoherently about vet bills. This is the dog equivalent of your hefty third-grader charging up to my frail kindergartner on crutches and shouting "Tag! You're it!" while he sends my kid sprawling. Yeah, he just wants to play, but he's out of control and can hurt other dogs. This kind of painful greeting is exactly why Awesomedog is afraid of other dogs when he's on a leash and reacts violently when they get too close.

4. My dog is stupidly tiny.

Tinydog weighs about 6 pounds, and he finds large dogs extremely intimidating. Some dogs figure this out and give him some space, but many completely disregard his attempts at communication and simply tower over him while sniffing. Sometimes Tinydog explodes in a ball of teeth and yapping and terror and rage. This can be effective, but sometimes it just triggers the bigger dog to attack. If your 80-pound dog decides to bite my 6-pound dog, mine if probably going to be seriously injured or even killed before either us has time to react. This is why I am not comfortable having your off-leash dog wander over for a casual sniff, and you shouldn't be either. I don't know what your dog is going to do when he wanders over, and you don't know how my dog is going to react either, this is not a risk we need to take.

I understand that people like to let their dogs get as much exercise as possible when hiking, and I'm not a huge fan of following rules just for the sake of following rules. I keep my dog leashed on the trails because Awesomedog wants to bite everything with wheels (mountain bikes, baby strollers...), Tinydog doesn't actually come when I call him, and not everyone wants to meet and greet my dogs. I don't really have a problem with the well-mannered dogs that are under control and closely supervised by their people and happen to be off-leash, as long as those people are respectful of my dogs and their need for space. It's not just my own dogs, either. Most dogs aren't entirely comfortable being approached by a loose dog while on a leash, even if they're perfectly friendly when both parties are loose. It's just polite to keep your off-leash dog from approaching a loose one, no matter where you're walking.

Rain in Paradise.

It's raining again, and Awesomedog is Very Concerned.

You see, we live on the coast of southern California, and we don't get much rain. Each year we see 6-9 months of zero precipitation, leading Awesomedog to believe that this is the correct way for the sky to behave. Rain just doesn't happen often enough for him to accept it as a normal occurrence. I would blame this on his dog-sized brain and lack of understanding if half the people on the road weren't afflicted with the same problem.

I've tried explaining the basics of meteorology to Awesomedog, but he insists that water should not be coming from the sky. As a herding breed, he is very concerned when things are not as they should be. Every hour he insists on going outside to monitor things.